TO: FIVE YEARS AGO

Dear past self,

I am reaching out in hopes of making amends after the way I have treated you over the last five or so years. I know you have forgiven me time and time again because that is the way you are; you always want to see the good, even if it means sugar coating or denying the bad. I am here now to say that moving forward I truly mean to take better care of you. You deserve better care than I gave you. I cannot change the past but I can change the way you are treated in the future. I don’t want you to suffer any further. I do not want you to continue to fall into old patterns, as you have done so many times before.

When you became sick I should have been there for you. I shouldn’t have used your sickness as an excuse to isolate you and deprive you of food and sleep. I should have comforted you and for that I am sorry. I will forever be trying to give you back the care and compassion that I stole from you all those years ago.

When you struggled in school I shouldn’t have compared you to others. I should have realised that comparison is the thief of joy and only leads to trouble. I didn’t give you any credit for your achievements and chose to only focus on your downfalls. This is certainly no way to live and I promise I am trying to learn to avoid comparison at all costs now.

When you were lost and didn’t no where to go next after high-school I should have realised sooner that what you needed was to step back and re-asses. I wish I had been able to tell you that it was okay that you didn’t have your whole life mapped out. I am sorry for punishing you during your uncertainty. I know now that life is messy and the most important thing you can do is listen to yourself.

I am writing with a purpose for change. Past self, if you are reading this, this is me taking steps to making things better for future you.

With Love,

Alex (January, 2019)